Thoughts of India

First of all, I must apologize for the following content. It seems like I have chosen a sweet theme for these pages, but let me assure you I haven't. It is, I seriously hope, just an odd coincident. A dribble of life.

I dropped a good friend of mine, Jonathan, off at the airport to meet up with some more really good friends in India. I would love to be a part of this adventure, but alas, I have a job. One of those newly acquired "hobbies" that can be a strain on travel. But I think the world around me has seen how much I wanted to go with them, so they have brought a bit of India adventure to me. Public defecation... on my front lawn. And now this.

After dropping Jonathan off at the airport, I went to the gym. Listened to a good podcast while there and walked out, still in the dark, with a nice start to my day. It is going to be a busy day for me, but those are my favorite, so with a spring in my step and a chill in the dark morning air,  I head back to my vehicle. Just as I open the door, I hear the train coming by. The tracks run no more than 50 feet from where I was standing, so to enjoy a bit more of my day, I step over to the edge of the parking lot to watch this behemoth charge by. But as I stepped over, I noticed something damp under foot. Within 15 seconds, my nose was inundated with the sticky stank of human feces. Yep. So round two is over, Jonny - 0, Feces - 2. The drive home was horrific. Windows down with my head hanging out so I don't get sick from the stank coming from my foot. Ah yes...

Nothing quite like sticking a foot in the ass of a beautiful day. Thinking of you all in India. Bring me back something dangerous.

iPod - the downfall of social graces

I have succomed to many technical habits that are plaguing our social fabric. Cellular telephones was one that I tried to stay away from, but fell into far quicker than I had hoped. Though  I pride myself on leaving it at home as often as possible and if I am with friends, then there is no need to have it on. Sometimes it is nice to be unreachable. One technology that I have come to use in public more often is my iPod. I have a handy dandy iPhone, full computing station in the palm of my hand. So, with the phone, comes the music. When I am strolling the streets, I sometimes where the headphones. It bothers me that so many people proudly gamble through the streets, on busses, and yes, even sit through my class with these lil ear buds stuck to their head. The lack of human interaction may prove to be a great failing point of our generation. Without communication and daily human interaction, we lose our social graces and ability to enjoy the company of our fellow man... not digital man, but fellow man.

This is scary. I have never been one for talking, or social interaction for that matter, but I try to be involved when I can. Without this, we will revert to our instinctual selves. 

Which brings me to my next point. Learning. I do try to keep myself open to new ideas, alternate ways to accomplish simple tasks and just the enjoyment of watching and observing how nature unfolds. The iPod wanderings have opened up many new ideas for me as well. First of all, I am always focused when listening to music in public. I break into a voracious yawp or melodic drumline far too easily and this is not something I need to expose to the population at large. But I did discover that it is much easier to pass gas in public with music on. You can be as stealthy as a fly....."hey! I didnt hear a thing... damn Im smooth." But take this with some warning. You are fooling yourself, the more you sneak the cheek, the more brazen you become. And sooner or later you will (reverting to my previous statement about losing social graces) be brave enough... no stupid enough, well, I guess you just won't give a crap about the world around you and you will float your air biscuits whenever they arise. And we cannot have this in our world. People, you cannot go around farting at will just because you have music blasting in your brain and can't hear what everyone else hears you do. 

Like many great discoveries, they come with great warnings. Just because you cannot hear what you are doing, doesnt mean that the rest of us wont either.

Sunrise Discovery

It was the end of September, one of those beautiful mornings that still had enough summer for short sleeves, but hinted at the coming of fall. My dad came into town the night before when it was dark, so I was excited to start the day. I had just moved into my newly purchased home and wanted to show it off. I had talked it up quite a bit. The charm, the potential and most of all the location. It is just the perfect lil house for me. So first thing, dad and I headed off to the local hardware store to get supplies for the day of work we had planned. Then, on the way home, we rounded the corner and got the first glimpse of my house. Yeah, we left it a few minutes prior, but that is besides the point, it is always much more exciting to round the corner and see it in all its glory.

But something was amiss. Damn it... someone through some trash on my lawn. And after I talked up how great this neighborhood was, how kind the people are and how wonderful life was here. The problem was that it was not just paper... but toilet paper. Holy shit balls! Someone had taken a dump on my lawn! My first chance to present my home to my father. To show him I had grown up and made a good choice in life, and this is what I get to introduce him with. Freshly baked turd pie on my front lawn. 

Shit.

I assume it had to be a homeless person, one of our local shopping cart jockeys that tootle around the neighborhood picking up cans and bottles. They had toilet paper, so it wasn't just a random act of ASS - Alcohol Shitting Syndrome from some poor drunk stumbling home from the bar. No, this was planned. They had toilet paper with them, and not even the most responsible drunk has a wad of TP at the ready for that late night turtle poking his head out. A deliberate act of defiance. Someone had chosen my yard to plant something warm and fuzzy. 

I kept asking myself, "Why there? Why now? and Why me?" There were plenty of better spots to "meet with their lawyer." There is an island in the round about not 20 yards from my house that even I have thought about pinching a loaf in. Come on people, get creative here. Don't take your brownies out of the oven on my lawn. 

So I am thinking of putting up some of those dreaded tools of society, the motion sensor lights. With my head hung low, I saw my next door neighbor outside, so i went over to see if his bedroom was on that side of the house, I didn't want to bother him with my nighttime poop patrol. He said it was not a problem and asked why. I proceeded to divulge the details of my freshly laid manure wondering what his response would be. Surprisingly, it was one that made everything a bit lighter... 

"Damn, pisses me off... At my old house I woke up one morning only to find that someone had shit in my Miata!"

Shit IN my Miata. That kept me occupied on something other than the Soft Serve on my lawn. IN my Miata. Was it a convertible. Was it schemed, how was it delivered.... was it on the front seat, did they have a plan of attack and was the execution up to par with the desired result? Where would you rest your feet to get good aim in order to produce a proper pile of bile that would truly get your point across. A random chocolate bar down the side of the door and on the floor, well that is just gross, if you are going to make the effort to shit in someones car, you damn well better make sure you pay some mind to your presentation. Too many people half assing things in this world of ours.