Sunrise Discovery

It was the end of September, one of those beautiful mornings that still had enough summer for short sleeves, but hinted at the coming of fall. My dad came into town the night before when it was dark, so I was excited to start the day. I had just moved into my newly purchased home and wanted to show it off. I had talked it up quite a bit. The charm, the potential and most of all the location. It is just the perfect lil house for me. So first thing, dad and I headed off to the local hardware store to get supplies for the day of work we had planned. Then, on the way home, we rounded the corner and got the first glimpse of my house. Yeah, we left it a few minutes prior, but that is besides the point, it is always much more exciting to round the corner and see it in all its glory.

But something was amiss. Damn it... someone through some trash on my lawn. And after I talked up how great this neighborhood was, how kind the people are and how wonderful life was here. The problem was that it was not just paper... but toilet paper. Holy shit balls! Someone had taken a dump on my lawn! My first chance to present my home to my father. To show him I had grown up and made a good choice in life, and this is what I get to introduce him with. Freshly baked turd pie on my front lawn. 

Shit.

I assume it had to be a homeless person, one of our local shopping cart jockeys that tootle around the neighborhood picking up cans and bottles. They had toilet paper, so it wasn't just a random act of ASS - Alcohol Shitting Syndrome from some poor drunk stumbling home from the bar. No, this was planned. They had toilet paper with them, and not even the most responsible drunk has a wad of TP at the ready for that late night turtle poking his head out. A deliberate act of defiance. Someone had chosen my yard to plant something warm and fuzzy. 

I kept asking myself, "Why there? Why now? and Why me?" There were plenty of better spots to "meet with their lawyer." There is an island in the round about not 20 yards from my house that even I have thought about pinching a loaf in. Come on people, get creative here. Don't take your brownies out of the oven on my lawn. 

So I am thinking of putting up some of those dreaded tools of society, the motion sensor lights. With my head hung low, I saw my next door neighbor outside, so i went over to see if his bedroom was on that side of the house, I didn't want to bother him with my nighttime poop patrol. He said it was not a problem and asked why. I proceeded to divulge the details of my freshly laid manure wondering what his response would be. Surprisingly, it was one that made everything a bit lighter... 

"Damn, pisses me off... At my old house I woke up one morning only to find that someone had shit in my Miata!"

Shit IN my Miata. That kept me occupied on something other than the Soft Serve on my lawn. IN my Miata. Was it a convertible. Was it schemed, how was it delivered.... was it on the front seat, did they have a plan of attack and was the execution up to par with the desired result? Where would you rest your feet to get good aim in order to produce a proper pile of bile that would truly get your point across. A random chocolate bar down the side of the door and on the floor, well that is just gross, if you are going to make the effort to shit in someones car, you damn well better make sure you pay some mind to your presentation. Too many people half assing things in this world of ours.